In the United States, the average life expectancy for men is 76 years. For women, it’s 81. But, a sex satisfaction poll conducted earlier this year showed that both men and women considered the best sex of their lives to have occurred in their early 30s! The conclusion drawn from the survey was that both men and women reach their sexual peaks around 30 years of age.
It’s clear that there are lots of beliefs about who, how and when to have great sex out there. The problem is that some of the most prevailing beliefs are flat-out false.
The trouble with this survey is that it drew from a relatively small pool of people (about 1281 people), and it’s therefore misleading. For instance, you might read a headline that says “Men and Women Reach Sexual Peak in Their 30s” and feel both reassured and very disheartened.
Sadly, it might confirm your perception of your own sexual experiences. And, if you’re already in your 40s, 50s, 60s or even 70s, you might be wondering if that’s it. You had your chance at great and satisfying sex, and now you have to settle for boring sex or none at all!
If you’re past your mid 30s and you don’t feel like you’ve had much (or any) fabulous sex, you might feel depressed and maybe even angry about that. We’d like to look at little more closely at some common sex myths to give you some hope. You see, we believe that you can have amazing and connecting sex even if you’re past what others say is your “sexual peak.”
1. Men peak younger than women. The prevailing belief used to be that men had their sexual peak at 18 while women peaked at 30. We wonder how much of this myth was linked to different attitudes about when and whether men and women should claim their sexual desires.
There’s no doubt that this myth creates a sense of mis-match in heterosexual relationships. It sets women and men up to believe that they’ll never be on the “same page” when it comes to really enjoying sexual intimacy. This causes distance and disconnection.
2. Sex declines (or disappears) as you age. A big myth about sex is that it’s just not fun or passionate the older you get. For some, there is a belief that you won’t have sex much (or at all) when you get past a certain age. This belief puts even more negative stress and strain on getting older!
When a person’s body changes, he or she may give up trying to have great sex or even think it’s inappropriate. Rather than exploring new ways of being sexual with his or her partner, the person might completely shut down sexually. For those who are single, this myth may cause them to stop dating or refuse to date because of their or their potential partner’s age.
3. Sex inevitably becomes boring in long-term relationships. From our readers and coaching clients, we often hear that it is “just a given that passion will die over time.” The belief here is that it’s normal and unavoidable — sex will become stale and boring in a long-term relationship. The consequences of buying into this myth include: harboring resentment and anger, turning to addictions to make up for no passion, having affairs or merely tolerating a lagging sex life.